theodd1soutfandomcom-20200214-history
A Book I Made as a Kid/Transcript
James: So you know those books you make in elementary school that you write as a class, then some publishing company makes them into a real book so your family can buy copies? Well when I was in the 4th grade, we were assigned to write and illustrate a short story that we would make into a book. Now I'm pretty sure most people wrote stories about normal things, like a dog or a friend, but I wrote a story that had the title of "I Do Not Like This Family". I don't know for sure, but I bet this title made my teacher very worried. (Does he get abused???) Here's what the cover looks like. Look I'm so cute. As you can see here, I'm getting beaten up by my brother. Here I'm being yelled at to wake up (on a Saturday). And here I'm looking out the window at kids having fun with their scooters, while I have a list of chores to do right here. And if anyone's wondering, I had a great childhood. I mean I wasn't abused or anything. My parent's marriage is stable. I guess I just really hated the chores my mom made me do. But anyway, time to get into the cheesy stuff. Here's the story. "I Do Not Like This Family" by James Rallison (published 2005). At school.... *'Teacher:' OK class, time for recess! *'James:' Teacher announced. Side note: the teacher banned the class from using the word "said" in any of our writing, so that's why there's a lot of awkward exclamations. *'TJ:' James!! (TJ exclaimed) Where is Wesley?? *'James:' TJ and Wesley are real people that were actually my friends in 4th grade. Wesley moved to a different school so we lost touch, but me and TJ are still friends. "He is not here. Life is different without Wesley," replied James. Wesley, if you're watching this I'm so sorry. *'TJ:' Is that Wesley over there? Boy is he late! *'James:' TJ replied. I don't know why I made all my friends talk like robots, but Wesley responds: *'Wesley:' Hi guys! I had a dentist appointment. That is why I am so late. James did you get my invitation? *'James:' "Yeah," James answered. *'Wesley:' Can you come? *'James:' Wesley asked. "No," James answered. *'Wesley:' Why not? *'James:' Wesley asked. "A reporter is coming in, so we have to clean up the house. And my mom is going to be on TV at 12 o'clock midnight," James replied. I love how I never say why my mother will be on TV, but if she's not letting me go to a friend's birthday party, so I can clean the house, she's probably doing something illegal. *'TJ:' Who would wanna stay awake for that long?! Just for that!? *'James:' TJ exclaimed, and then my dear friend Wesley suggested: *'Wesley:' You could run away! *'James:' Like I don't even run away to the birthday party, I just run away in the middle of the night. "I think I will," James smiled, "11am! Time to go." I meant pm. "But if I go out the door, the alarm will go. The escape ladder!" James thought. James went down the ladder and hid behind the bush. End of page 1. I'm gonna skip ahead a bit because it's more of me talking to myself, but basically, I get hungry. I wanna eat some berries that's 5 miles away. I find a $1 bill and decided to take the bus there. 1 hour later... "Where is that bus!?" James exclaimed. "Finally, the bus is here!" James replied with relief. I didn't reply to anything. *'Bus driver:' Sorry kid, your parents aren't around. *'James:' The bus driver replied, refusing to let him ride. The bus driver didn't reply to anything either. "I'm 11 years old!" James exclaimed. I was actually nine when I wrote this. Apparently being 11 meant you are all big and tough and can ride buses by yourself. I can really look up to 11-year-olds. So I go home, sleep, and in the morning I hear my dad say: *'Dad (Richard):' It's too bad your interview on the news was cancelled. *'James:' Dad replied sadly. I obviously don't what the word reply means. So I get excited that my mom's interview was cancelled and I can go to Wesley's birthday party. Then I screamed, "OW!!" in pain for some reason. And I'm in pain and I say, "I am going to be on my bed." So I'm on my bed; I rip up the dollar bill I found outside because I think it's unlucky. I also like to point out that I used a semi-colon in the right place. So I call my dad who in the story is a doctor. He says: *'Dad:' OK son, does this hurt? *'James:' "Yeah," James answered. *'Dad:' Oh no!! *'James:' Dad exclaimed. So somehow my dad is able to successfully diagnose me by only asking if something hurts. Now I don't know how real doctors diagnose people, but I'm pretty sure it's not like that. (aids) "What iiiiiiiii(9 I's)ssssssss(8 S's and then space and then three Z's) zzz", and then I write, James SAID as he fell asleep. What happens next is such a big plot twist, I bet none of you saw it coming. As I'm laying on my bed unconscious, my dad says: *'Dad:' KIDNEY FAILURE. *'James:' And then it's followed by four frowny-face emoticons in parentheses. I can't believe that my 9-year-old mind somehow knew what kidney failure was. Where did I learn this?? Later at the hospital... He had an operation. *'Nurse:' He lost both of his kidneys!! *'James:' The nurse exclaimed. *'Luke:' I'll donate a kidney! *'James:' James' brother exclaimed. Or I was done, guys. And then I think to myself, "Kidney, kidney, kidney..." Those words just repeated and repeated in his mind. James cannot believe his ears. His brother, in parentheses (the one who beat him up) close parentheses, liked him. OK, so this story just turned somewhat heartwarming. I wonder what I'll say next. After the operation, James and his brother had trouble going to the bathroom. Yeah, how did I know so much about an organ that helps you urinate? OK, last sentence. James found out how much his family cared for him. I think your family cares for you too. (The end) Actually I remember that line. Yeah, my teacher made me write that end. (outro) Category:Transcripts